I always wanted to live on the sand. And now I do.
It’s not exactly the lifestyle I envisioned. I was thinking beachfront entertaining, relaxing sunsets dipping behind Catalina, crashing waves lulling me to sleep. That’s not what I got.
I got sand. I guess when I was making my wish for the OC good life, I forgot to attach an ocean to my dream of beachfront paradise. So my wish has come true. I got the beach part—just not the water part.
There’s something about hot, sweaty, muggy weather that puts me in the mood for love. That’s because I got married on the hottest, most humid day ever experienced in Orange County.
My wedding day in July 1988 broke triple digits. Massive thunderclouds crowded over Saddleback Mountain saddling the area like a fat, warm wet towel. Because it was the 80s, I was wearing about fifty pounds of white satin and beads, sequins and lace. And that was just the mutton chop sleeves.
Even Shrek would admit it ain’t easy being green. The eco-friendly bandwagon has arrived in town and I am holding on by my fingernails. I sure miss the good ol’ days of conspicuous consumption.
I’ve tried to show my support for the cause by turning down any flight in a private jet, refusing to wear bowling ball sized diamonds mined in Africa, and dumping any friend who lives in a house larger than 3,000 square feet. But they just want more, more, more. It’s so hard to change.
This classified ad recently made national news: OLDS 1999 Intrigue. Totally uncool parents who obviously don’t love teenage son, selling his car. Only driven for three weeks before snoopy mom who needs to get a life found booze under front seat. $3,700/offer. Call meanest mom on the planet.
It ain’t easy being mean. As a bonafide school teacher, I learned all my mean tricks teaching high school. After all, with forty of them and one of you, you’d better be wily. I had one colleague who was so exasperated with students asking to use the rest room during class that he used a real toilet seat as a bathroom pass. Mean, yes. Humiliating? Hopefully. Did it cut down on the problem. You bet. I watched. I learned. I implemented.
Life is too short to spend on envy. For the most part I don’t covet other people’s stuff. It seems like too much work. So Rhonda’s going to Costa Rica? Have a great time! Patti got a cool new designer handbag? You go, girl. Sharon bought a stunning new piano? Play on, baby. But then Karen had to go and ruin my Zen-like approach to life.
She got a cleaning lady! Of course, I had to act like I’m happy for her. But really, I was so green with envy I could spit. I wanted a cleaning lady too. I wanted a cleaning lady bad. I wanted someone else to do all the time-consuming and unappreciated grunt work around here that I do for free.
The Smart Mom’s Guide to Air Travel with Kids
It’s simple. Go carry-on. It works on so many levels. It saves you strained muscles and tons of time waiting at the porter and baggage claim. Your stuff will never go to Montreal while you go to Maui and best of all–you save big bucks in checked luggage fees. If I can go carry-on with a family of 5 on a two week vacation in a condo, so can you. But don’t take my word for it, try it yourself! I’m confident you will find all the hidden joys of leaving the 50lb. suitcase behind and opting for my favorite carry-on travel bags for yourself and the kiddo’s.
Below is a list of items I packed.
Hello, my name is Helen and with my moms help, I purchased the Z33WP Fujifilm camera. It is the best camera I have ever used. I give it five stars for multiple reasons! This camera always takes good pictures above or underwater. I took it to Maui this summer and it took some truly breathtaking photos of turtles and sunsets.
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