Mom vs. Kid Fitness Challenge

It comes every year, as constant as death and taxes. And for me, just as dreaded. I’m not talking about 1040s. I’m talking the Presidential Physical Fitness Challenge. The program has lasted far longer than any president, which in my opinion is too bad. I have fond memories of failing …

Meanest Mom Says No to Cell Phones for Kids

This classified ad recently made national news: OLDS 1999 Intrigue. Totally uncool parents who obviously don’t love teenage son, selling his car. Only driven for three weeks before snoopy mom who needs to get a life found booze under front seat. $3,700/offer. Call meanest mom on the planet. It ain’t …

Help! I’m Married to a Geek

I married a geek before geeks were cool. Now suddenly they are hot stuff. I don’t know when exactly the tide turned. Was it the underdog appeal of Napoleon Dynamite, achieving the impossible in The 40 Year Old Virgin, or the childlike appeal of Will Farrell? The tide has turned …

Someone Has To Do The Dirty Work

Hanging out in middle school is like traveling to a foreign country you didn’t really want to visit. The culture is mysterious, the language is strange, and the people dress funny. And as I learned recently under the pulsating strobe lights of the Marco Forster sixth grade sock hop, they …

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Someone Has To Do The Dirty Work

October 5, 2009 Humor No Comments

Hanging out in middle school is like traveling to a foreign country you didn’t really want to visit. The culture is mysterious, the language is strange, and the people dress funny.
And as I learned recently under the pulsating strobe lights of the Marco Forster sixth grade sock hop, they don’t dance like us either.

If you are like me, you haven’t been to a sixth grade dance since…well, sixth grade. I bet you haven’t missed it either. Back in August, I ticked “Chaperone Dances” on the PTA volunteer form. How hard could that be? It’s not like I had to bake anything.

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Will Work For School Supplies

September 25, 2009 Humor No Comments

Yes, it’s that bad. The requests stagger in. My child needs a 1.5 inch binder for this class, a 2 inch binder for that class. One teacher requested a four inch binder. A four inch binder? What’s my kid going to do with it? Copy down the Collected Works of Shakespeare?

A four inch binder is like a six inch high heel. It looks impressive and sounds good in theory, but the reality is all show and no go. For one thing, it will take a crane to hoist that four incher into an already overstuffed backpack. The kid will need traction after lugging it around, and I’ll need a new SUV with lots of cargo space.

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Welcome Back to School – Only in California!

September 23, 2009 Humor No Comments

Dear Parent or Guardian:

I would like to welcome you and your student to John Richard Henry Marco Luis Denzel Washington Toshiba Elementary School and the second grade. This year we were named a California Distinguished School In part, we earned this honor because everyone else already got it last year, but also because of your continued support of our high standards. In order to assure a quality learning environment, please discuss the following rules and requirements with your child.

The parent must excuse absences and tardies immediately. Excessive absences or tardies win result in a sharply worded letter shaming your parenting skills and addressed to your employer OR a loss of credit. I, on the other hand, expect to miss approximately 20-40 days due to in-service training, prep time, mentoring, etc. If a qualified substitute teacher cannot be located at the nearby Starbucks, students will be reassigned to other classrooms. Due to district mandated student/teacher ratio requirements, students may be dispersed to any classroom regardless of grade level. Please note: students are still expected to complete all work assigned.

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Hawaii Vacation- Joys of Traveling Lite

September 16, 2009 Family Travel 1 Comment

The Smart Mom’s Guide to Air Travel with Kids

It’s simple. Go carry-on. It works on so many levels. It saves you strained muscles and tons of time waiting at the porter and baggage claim. Your stuff will never go to Montreal while you go to Maui and best of all–you save big bucks in checked luggage fees. If I can go carry-on with a family of 5 on a two week vacation in a condo, so can you. But don’t take my word for it, try it yourself! I’m confident you will find all the hidden joys of leaving the 50lb. suitcase behind and opting for my favorite carry-on travel bags for yourself and the kiddo’s.

Below is a list of items I packed.

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Kids Review of Fuji Underwater Camera

September 15, 2009 Kids Gadgets 1 Comment

Hello, my name is Helen and with my moms help, I purchased the Z33WP Fujifilm camera. It is the best camera I have ever used. I give it five stars for multiple reasons! This camera always takes good pictures above or underwater. I took it to Maui this summer and it took some truly breathtaking photos of turtles and sunsets.

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